There are so many reasons why someone might be obese and struggles to lose weight, and so often we tend to assume they’re just ok with being overweight. Our assumptions can easily be wrong though. It could be about their mental health, genetics, or medical condition, and whether foods have become their coping mechanisms. Just because we see someone who’s overweight, it doesn’t mean that they’re not doing anything. Is their weight so important to you that you care more about it than your problems? Let’s hear what other people have to say about the matter.
1. They’ve Learned to Accept Their Bodies.
Somebody stated, “Almost certainly, these people would choose to be thin but have been unsuccessful in their attempts to lose weight. If you change the options to being fat and accepting it and instead trying to make healthy choices not tied to appearance, versus being fat and hating yourself and repeatedly trying and failing to lose the weight by various strategies (likely a lot of fad diets) and feeling even more defeated, the first option is better.
“I am not arguing that being obese is healthy. It is not. Neither is self-hatred, though. Choosing to love and value your body makes more sense to want to take good care of it by eating better and using it for exercise, which happens to be a sneaky trick that leads to natural weight loss.”
Another one replied with their experience, “There is something to this. I was never morbidly obese, but I was chonky. It happened suddenly due to hormone changes. And I tried many times to lose weight, and I would for a while and then it came back so easily. But when I changed my perspective to focus on just being healthier and feeling better in my body—functional strength and activity and a primarily whole food diet with opportunities to indulge sometimes because you have to live life and enjoy it—everything changed.
“I’ll never be an IG fitness influencer. At 40, I will never have a 20s body. But I’m so much stronger than I ever was before in my life. Moving through daily life is easier for me than when I was 30. I’m able to be consistent because my goal is feeling good rather than looking good.”
2. They Aren’t Okay With It
One Reddit user commented, “Most aren’t okay with it. We obese people are regularly abused in public and private, so we have various coping mechanisms. Sometimes we laugh off the judgment in order to escape the oppression, and then quietly hate ourselves a little more.”
Another person replied, “Move here to south Texas. Around here almost everyone is obese. People will call you a skeleton if you’re 5’8″ and 180 lbs.”
A third commenter added, “My favorite is when some random stranger online tries to insult me by saying I need to go to the gym because they see that I’m overweight in my profile picture. I go to the gym 5 days a week. People take one look at a fat person and assume they aren’t doing anything about it, as if we can lose the weight overnight.”
3. Your Judgement is Your Problem
“I’m a fat old [guy] and I really don’t care. It’s not a problem for my wife, my health’s good, and I really don’t give a sh– what other people (including the OP) think of my belly. I’ve got other things that are far more important to me than stressing out over carrying around some extra weight. If other people want to judge me for it, that’s their problem,” said somebody.
“You’re like my guy. He’s Shrek, but has a beard. He’s grumpy, quiet, funny, and soooo kind. I’m the opposite. Slender, friendly, outgoing, ‘the straight (wo)man’, and empathetic. I met him when he was a little smaller, but not by much. He’s just a BIG man. He likes to say, why have a six pack when you can have a keg? He’s healthy, works in a physical job, and as long as it continues, I don’t care. He’s it for me. It helps that we’re Gen X and just [don’t care] of People’s opinions,” replied another.
4. People Have Unique Circumstances: Be Kind
Somebody stated some wonderful points, “Some people literally can’t help but be fat. Some people can help it, but a lifestyle change is out of reach for whatever reason. Some people are trying very hard to break free from addictive habits that have had a hold on them for many years and are struggling to make the change.
“And some people like to be fat and are happy with their body. Are all these people meant to be miserable and hate themselves all the time because it’s what society expects? Are we supposed to judge and bully fat people in the hope it makes them change? For what? Their own good? That’s so patronizing. Is their body our business? Do fat people deserve to be miserable by default?
“If you think so, then maybe you need to examine the cruelty of that instinct.
“Add: You seem to want to know why people become and stay fat. There’s so many answers to this: genetics, medical problems, aging, disability, having a child, family habits, poverty, lack of nutritional education, food deserts, food classism, work commitments, culture, capitalism, advertising, addiction, depression, disordered eating, judgment and harassment, and loneliness.
“There’s more, but I just want to stress the point that ‘just losing weight’ is not as easy as all that. It can mean a fundamental change to deeply ingrained behavior. Be kind to people.”
5. Don’t Make Assumptions
One person said, “How do you know they are ok with it? If it’s because you changed and they aren’t—I would suggest your question be ‘What are some reasons people gain weight and what are obstacles to losing it.’ But really, this is just d–k ‘humble brag’ isn’t it?”
The second person replied, “People are conflating ‘they are currently fat’ with ‘they are currently fat and I don’t currently see them working out, or eating diet foods, so clearly they don’t care that they are fat’ which is a weird jump in logic. Most fat people, myself included, would be skinny if it were as simple as wishing for it.”
6. It’s Easier to Ignore Problems Than Confront Them
“I wouldn’t say anyone is fully okay with it, it’s just easier to ignore problems than confront them,” said somebody.
“I lost 110 pounds but gained 70 back. I didn’t ignore sh–. I confronted it. It didn’t work. So I’m accepting reality. That’s why I’m ok with it,” replied another.
7. People Have Other Things to Worry About
One person commented, “I am not ok with my weight. I’m about 30lbs overweight and a short lady. I did not realized that all of my efforts failed due to a medication I was on combined with other health issues that were working against me. I’ve slowly begun changing these things. All of it is a horrible struggle because I have a super hectic job, raising two young kids, being a wife and friend. People have different reasons for why they are overweight, and I agree that some people do not give a f— anymore about it but many of us do and are battling uphill to get healthier. You don’t know what battles are raging in those people’s heads.”
8. They’re Trying
Somebody stated, “Where to begin. I’m fat. Am I ok with it? No. What am I doing about it? I walk 8,000 steps per day at least 5 days a week. I eat 2000 calories or less per day and journal it. I do weights 3x per week. I have done weight watchers, keto, low carb, CICO, carnivore, slim fast, nutrition system, HCG, meal prepping, etc. I cannot afford bypass and since other than my weight I am healthy … insurance says I don’t need it. I, today, have started compound semaglutide to see if this will help. I stay within 10 lbs of my weight.
“Some people cannot get the weight off. Granted I look better than I did before I started the weights and counting steps, but I’m still 80 lbs overweight and within 1 size of my fattest clothes. Every decision I make is revolves around food, my weight, my appearance. It sucks. Trust me. A lot of the fatties are trying. Probably harder than some of the non fatties.”
9. Body Positivity and Culture Fight Against Us
“Because society makes it ok to be fat and unhealthy. We eat trash and down pills. Then the entertainment industry keeps pushing how fat is now wonderful. You’re not wrong,” said one.
10. Some People Have a Harder Time
“It’s harder to lose weight for some people. My mom for example, is overweight and has been my whole life. She also eats extremely healthy and works out 3 times a week. And she can’t seem to ‘get skinny’. She’s been trying to lose weight her whole life. She is healthy, just big. Some people would rather change their brains to love themselves rather than hating themselves for something they can’t change.”
Do you agree with some of the perspectives here? Truly, we shouldn’t judge anyone easily because we know nothing about their struggles.
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