There are some things that we don’t want to learn from our parents; things we want to try differently, and even things we wish we’d never learned at all. Although it’s a struggle since we will be unlearning things from how our parents raised us, it does get better with time. Here are 10 things people are actively unlearning from their parents.
1. Finish All Your Food
One user commented, “You do not have to clear your plate if you are not hungry.”
Another commenter replied, “Eating to satisfaction, and being okay with leftovers was mindblowing to me.”
One commenter added, “Preach!”
Somebody stated, “Trying to not be so self-loathing that I spew hate and judgment at all who I deem ‘beneath me.’ Also, trying not to deem people ‘beneath me.’”
3. Valuing Achievement Over Mental Health
“Valuing academic achievement over mental health and social abilities. And elitism (the sense that we are for some reason smarter or better than others),” said one.
Another person replied, “I was not a good student in school, I passed, but I was C student. My brother? National Honor Society, third in his class, academic honors. My parents telling me ‘your brother can do it, so you can too’ (and not in an encouraging way). I did go to college, and did okay. Not a 4.0, but still better than high school. Well…guess who makes more money a year now?”
Then the third added, “Although I feel you with being compared to more ‘successful’ siblings as a youth, let’s not feed into our income being a measurement of someone’s self worth (another thing I’m actively unlearning from society/parents).”
4. Arguing in Front of Children
“Try to limit the heated arguments in front of the kids as much as possible. My parents used to shout at each other multiple times a day at times, and it was just pure agony for me and my brothers,” one person said.
Somebody replied, “It’s pretty important to hash out civil disagreements in front of kids though, they need to learn that you can settle things without yelling and fighting and how that works. Of course, that doesn’t mean they have to hear every discussion, some things are between parents and kids don’t need to hear it.”
5. Anger Issues
One user said, “How not to think negatively and be angry all the time. I spent years in a haze of constant anger, being bitter, and only noticed or commented on negative things. I must have been the absolute worst to be around and drained people and joy out of everything. It took a long time, but I’m getting over it. I’m no longer angry as a default and I try to be more positive, uplifting, and supportive. It takes a ton to get me mad now and I’ve spent so much time there that I see it as a complete waste of time and energy to be angry. I think anger is like drinking poison and hoping someone else dies, it’s only damaging yourself.”
6. Being Overly Polite
“Being excessively mannerly/polite. It can be just as bad as being rude. It is inappropriate, and people take you for an idiot. Someone once advised me, and I took it to heart: Never complain, never explain, never apologize if you are not at fault, never express gratitude if you are not genuinely appreciative or if you were given something you didn’t ask for nor want,” commented one person.
7. No Sick Days
One Reddit user shared, “That it’s okay to take a day off when I’m sick. And that my employer isn’t going to spontaneously reward me for going ‘above and beyond’. When I was a kid I crashed my bike on the way to school, got a concussion and terrible road rash but still went to school to avoid my parents being mad at me. When the school noticed and called my parents I think they got a bit of egg on their face for instilling such ideals in me.”
8. Complaining All the Time
“You are allowed to have your own opinions and emotions, and do what you want with life. You don’t have to complain and be miserable about everything. You don’t have to drag everyone else down into your own misery,” one person shared.
9. Not Having a Budget
One person stated, “If you have money in hand, buy what you want because you may not have the money tomorrow. Never taught how to save. Never taught how to spend wisely. Never really differentiated between wants and needs. Never taught how to be smart with credit. I’m now 45 with a credit score over 700 for the first time in my life. For most of my adult life, it was below 500.”
10. Never Asking for Help
“Getting frustrated when I do not understand or comprehend something immediately, or needing to ask for help figuring something out. The former was a d*ath penalty-level offense in my home, the latter was NEVER an option. Even after years of work, my fight or flight still goes haywire,” one user shared.
Truly, our parents can be our greatest nightmare. Worse, we’re being raised to be like them. However, let’s be ourselves and unlearn all the awful behaviors they’re trying to instill in us.
What’s the one thing that you’re trying to unlearn from your parents? Let us know in the comments.
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