Recently, I scrolled through an interesting thread. Someone asked, “What are examples of toxic femininity?” Women and men answered to deliver this authentic list of responses.
1. Shaming C-Section Moms
One person answered, “Mothers shaming C-Section moms when saying they didn't give birth because the doctor removed the child surgically.” Another asked, “What are we supposed to tell them? You were from your mother's womb untimely ripped?”
A third person questioned, “This is a thing? They realize that many women and babies would die without C-sections, right? Imagine being so insecure that you must put others down for how they gave birth.”
2. Mothers Shaming Women Without Children
“Mothers who tell women without kids that their life is meaningless and they can't understand true love,” someone responded.” Another said, “It sounds like – I can't imagine not being a mother! It's the most rewarding, amazing, humbling thing I have ever done! I wouldn't give this up for a six-figure salary with a month's paid vacation!”
3. Seeing Women as Competition and Tearing Them Down
“Putting other women down, period. It's so much worse when they pretend to be friends with these people and then talk trash about them the moment they leave,” someone volunteered.
“Also, comparing women to other women,” another shared.” My mother always did this to me, saying, ‘Why can't you be more social like your cousin' etc. Ruined my self-esteem for life, and I have a big issue with uncontrollable envy.”
4. Formula Shaming
A father shared, “My wife could not produce enough milk for our children. When our first was born, she tried and tried. I woke up in the middle of the night to her crying. She felt like a horrible mom, even for bringing up the formula.”
“There is so much pressure on moms, and it is stupid. Our kids are very well-adjusted and were on the formula the entire time. I tell anyone expecting their first that the only right way is the right way for that child. Forget everyone else's opinions; do what is best for your family, not the mommy bloggers.”
5. Denying Women Can Be The Abusers
“Thinking women cannot be perpetrators of domestic abuse, sexual assault, and rape,” one said. “The female abusers have mastered the victim card and gaslighting; their primary defenses when challenged on their abusive behavior.”
“Also, if you're a woman abused by another woman, it's even more frustrating cause people assume because we're the same gender, we must be able to work it out. Like what? Let me count the reasons I never want to see this ABUSER again,” another shared.
6. Using Traditional Roles for Convenience
“Women that only want traditional values when it benefits them. I.e., men should be doing the cooking and the cleaning equally, but trash duty and yard work are the man's job,” stated one.
Another stated, “My sister-in-law stays at home, not working, no kids. Refuses to do any housework until my (working) brother is there, as they should share the cleaning 50/50!”
7. That Single Women Should Be Sad
“Right?” One questioned, “If you can't live with yourself and be happily single, why would you expect somebody else to put up with you? Too many relationships explode because one or both people are dumb enough to expect another to compensate for issues they can't even sort out on their own.”
8. Equality for Who Benefits Most
“Wanting to be treated equally only in certain situations, depending on who benefits most from it,” one said. “You can't pick and choose like that. We should all be treated all the time equally, in every aspect. “This! It's extremely frustrating because it undermines attempts at equality,” another agreed.
9. Throwing Women Under The Bus for a Man
“Women who throw other women under the bus for a man or the attention of a man,” one stated. Another said, “Male validation is one hell of a drug. ‘Pick me' women are the worst. Trying so hard to be the cool girl who is not like other women as if that will save her bodily autonomy.”
10. Anything Multi-Level-Marketing (MLM)
“Any MLM scam,” shared one. “You are so pretty just need to use my product for blah blah blah, and then they steal your money!” Another said, “I swear it's so shady of them! It honestly hurts. I know I am not pretty or attractive by your definition, but please stop commenting on things I should do to look better.”
Piggybacking off this, another said, “Hey girl, I noticed you were overweight. Wanna try some of my overpriced and underregulated products that'll do nothing? They're so insensitive too.”
11. Mom Groups for Medical Advice
“Mom groups constantly supporting weird things like chiropractors and essential oils and speak that fake, ‘You got this mama' type camaraderie. Another shared, “I kid you not. I've seen posts about ‘My baby is dealing with x, y, and z, and the doctor said it's x, and I think I need a second opinion.'
“And there's always that one mom saying, ‘My baby goes to the chiro over in X town and gets his neck cracked weekly. No more x, y, and z!' Give me a break.”
12. Judging Women for Not Being Their Standard of Heels and Makeup
“Judging other women for not wanting to wear heels. It's a freaking spike attached to the bottom of your foot!!! Why is this still a thing expected to look professional or classy? I'm convinced most of the pressure comes from other women,” someone confessed.
“Same with makeup,” another asked, “What is wrong with not wanting to spend two hours every morning painting your face?” A third added, “And the women who will shame others for liking makeup and heels fall under the definition of toxic, too.”
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