Ah yes, the dreaded first date. Extraordinarily awkward and wildly embarrassing, it rarely ends well. Thankfully, the internet guarantees our collection of stories continues to live on. The votes have been tallied. Did these make the cut?
1. Beach Barf
“Biggest crush throughout the school. I finally got my moment at a beach bonfire. We walk off. It’s finally happening. My first time with my crush ON THE BEACH! We head into the darkness, and she looks at me. I look at her. I lean in, and she leans in and vomits. Everywhere. We walked back to the fire, and that was that.”
Status of date: extinguished.
2. The Ticketmaster
“We went somewhere, and she and her friends pulled into all three handicapped parking spaces. There were plenty of other spots, but these were the closest. None of them were handicapped in any way. “Everyone does it,” she said. No. No, they do not.”
The DMV called. They want her license back.
Dressed up and ready to leave for senior prom? Not this guy.
“Made me stop at the guy’s house she really wanted to go to prom with so she could take photos with him.” Ouch.
4. Alcohol You Later
“Constantly calling me while I was on holiday with my friends, making me FaceTime with them during my holiday,” a post said. “… me losing sleep because they want to stay up on a call….literally making me go insane.”
The oh-so-accurate response?
“They were monitoring and preventing. They wanted to be aware of your every move and try to prevent you from cheating or whatever.”
5. Death Before Date?
“Almost faked her death to not only me but the majority of her friends too. Needless to say, she lost a lot of friends that day.”
6. In a Land Before Time
“She legit didn’t believe dinosaurs were real.”
That will do it for the science folks.
7. Tales From a Teen
“One day we were going home after classes together (turns out we lived pretty close to each other) chatting and joking,” the post reads.
“And at one moment, she says: “I really like talking to you about just about anything. I would have jumped you right now if you weren’t so ugly.” I was an awkward teenager: severely underweight, had skin problems, and some other complexes. It outright killed my remaining self-esteem.”
Awww! Poor guy!
8. Snobby Hobby
“Not listening whenever I would share a hobby of mine but insisting me into listening to theirs,” one comment read.
“Sounds like my ex-husband,” a woman jokingly wrote back. “… actually no. He would just insult my hobby until I stopped trying to tell him about it.”
9. Trashy for a Trashman
“He littered. He just opened his car door and dropped a McDonald’s bag on the ground. That killed it right there.”
McDonald’s would disapprove.
10. Our Condolences
“This girl I had a crush on early on in high school told me that she recently broke up with her last bf because his dad passed away suddenly, and, as she put it, ‘wouldn’t stop being depressed and a crybaby about it.’ I didn’t talk to her much again after she said that.”
Seems a reasonable response.
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